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9. Post Oreo O's (Kraft Foods, Inc): A substance, supposedly a breakfast
cereal, patterned after the notorious Oreo cookie. Oreo O's look exactly like used cat litter. They smell and taste so bad my dog won't eat them. Put milk on Oreo O's and you have a bowl of something that looks like oily refried beans. If Kraft had deliberately set out to make the
foulest cereal possible, they could not have exceeded the putridity of Oreo O's.
8. Meeter's Kraut Juice (Stokely USA): Yes, that's sauerkraut juice,
which is even worse than it sounds. The taste and smell can be a bit, well, harsh, but KJ
is reputed by its fans to have certain medicinal benefits (as a source of vitamin C, cure
for intestinal bugs, etc.), which adds up to a classic case of the cure being worse
than the disease.
7. Guycan Corned Mutton with Juices Added (Bedessee Imports): The best
thing about this Uruguayan canned good is the very pouty-looking
sheep on the package label -- he seems to be saying, "Go on, eat me already."
The second-best thing is the presence of both "cooked mutton" and
"mutton" in the ingredients listing, which would seem to have all the
mutton bases covered.
6. Armour Pork Brains in Milk Gravy (Dial Corp.): If you're really looking to clog up
those arteries in a hurry, you'll be pleased to learn that a single serving of pork
brains has 1,170 percent of our recommended daily cholesterol intake. All the more
ingenious, then, that the label on this product helpfully features a recipe for brains and
scrambled eggs.
5. Sweet Sue Canned Whole Chicken (Sweet Sue Kitchens, Inc.): From its size (think
growth-impaired Cornish hen) to its overall appearance (it's stewed in a quivering mass of
aspic goop), this product may change forever your idea of what constitutes a
chicken. Gives new meaning to the old line about meat "falling off the
bone."
4. Musk Life Savers (Nestle Confectionery): You may think musk is a scent, but
over in Australia, they think it's a candy flavor. A candy flavor that tastes
disturbingly like raw meat, to be precise. But what did you expect from a
country where everyone happily consumes Vegemite?
3. Blind Robins Smoked Ocean Herring (recently discontinued by Bar Food
Products): Possibly the world's most bizarre prepackaged
tavern snack. Interestingly, the product's titular robin isn't actually blind, he's
blindfolded -- the better, presumably, to avoid looking at these heavily salted herring
strips, which look like giant slugs.
2. Kylmaenen Reindeer Pate` (Kylmaenen Oy): This Finnish canned good may
not be particularly tasty, but at least it answers the age-old
question of why Rudolph was so eager for that safe, steady job on Santa's sleigh
team -- he didn't want to end up a cracker spread.
1. Tengu Clam Jerky (Tengu Co.): Nothing you've ever consumed can prepare you for the
horror that is clam jerky. Still, this product does score a sort of conceptual coup: If
you're the sort who's always found raw clams too slimy and gelatinous for your
taste, these dried, shrivelled molluscs will help you dislike clams on a whole new level.
Sent by Horace Bulby
Collected by Bert Christensen
Toronto, Ontario
web site: http://bertc.com
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