These came from Australia. 

BROOKVALE IDIOT  The North Shore Times News crime column reported that a man  walked into Brookvale Macdonald's at 8:50AM, flashed a gun and  demanded cash.  The clerk turned him down because she said she  couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man  ordered a Big Mac, the clerk said they weren't available until 10:30am  as only the breakfast menu was on offer. Frustrated, the man walked  away.

ADELAIDE IDIOTS  Two men tried to pull the front off an ATM machine in Adelaide's  Henley Street by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their  Toyota Landcruiser, but instead of pulling the front panel off the Machine  they pulled the bumper off their 4WD.  Scared, and attracting attention from oncoming traffic, they left the scene and drove home, with the chain  still attached to the machine, their bumper still attached to the chain, and with their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper.  No, they did not use a stolen car.

WOLLONGONG IDIOT  A man walked into a Seven-Eleven, put a $20 bill on the counter and  asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a  gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly  provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on  the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen  dollars.

ROOTY HILL IDIOT  Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a brick through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the brick and heaved it over his head at the window with all  his might. The brick bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head,  knocking him unconscious.  Apparently, the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. And the whole event was caught on videotape, which the store owner consequently sold for use on TV.

CAMPBELLTOWN IDIOT  As a female shopper exited the Campbelltown K-Mart in Queen Street, a man grabbed her purse and ran. A shop assistant at K-Mart called the  Police immediately and the woman was able to give them a detailed  description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police had apprehended the snatcher, trying to mingle in the shopping crowd on Queen Street. They put him in the  car and drove back to the K-Mart store. The thief was then taken out of the  car and up to the K-Mart front desk and told to stand there for a positive  ID. To which he replied; "Yes, Officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole  the purse from ."   

PORT MACQUARIE IDIOT  When a man attempted to siphon petrol from a motor home parked on a Port Macquarie street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police  arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to  steal petrol and plugged his hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake.He had tried to siphon the petrol by first sucking it up the hose. The owner of  the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh  he'd ever had.