*All things being equal, fat people use more soap.
*Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.
*By the time you make ends meet, they move the ends.
*Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.
*Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
*Happiness is merely the remission of pain.
*I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.
*If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
*If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
*Indecision is the key to flexibility.
*Never wrestle a pig. You both get dirty, and the pig likes it.
*Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
*One seventh of your life is spent on Monday.
*Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world.
*Sometimes too much to drink is not enough.
*Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.
*The careful application of terror is also a form of communication.
*The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.
*The more you run over a cat, the flatter it gets.
*There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.
*There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
*Things are more like they are today than they ever were before.