| Why do doctors slap babies' butts right after they're born? | To knock the penises off the smart ones. |
| Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women? | When it's time to go back to childhood, he's already there. |
| What do you call a handcuffed man? | Trustworthy. |
| What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common? | Men always miss them. |
| Why are men like commercials? | You can't believe a word they say. |
| Why are men like popcorn? | They satisfy you, but only for a little while. |
| Why are men like blenders? | You need one, but you're not quite sure why. |
| Why do so many women fake orgasm? | Because so many men fake foreplay. |
| What's the difference between a bar and a clitoris? | Most men have no trouble finding a bar. |
| What's a man's definition of a romantic evening? | Sex. |
| What is the only time a man thinks about a candlelight dinner? | When the power goes off. |
| What do men and women have in common? | They both distrust men. |
| How can you tell the difference between men's real gifts and their guilt gifts? | Guilt gifts are nicer. |
| What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man? | His wife is good at picking out clothes. |
| How is a man like the weather? | Nothing can be done to change either one of them |
| What is the difference between a single 40-year-old woman and a single 40-year-old man? | The 40-year-old woman thinks often of having children and the 40-year-old man thinks often about dating them. |
| Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger. What do men dream of? | Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins. |
| What do you call a man who expects to have sex on the second date? | Slow. |
| What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common? | They're married. |
| Why don't men often show their true feelings? | Because they don't have any. |
| Why do men have a hole in their penis? | So oxygen can get to their brains. |
| What do you call a man with 99% of his brain missing? | Castrated. |
| What's the difference between government bonds and men? | Bonds mature. |
| What's the difference between a man and E.T.? | E.T. phoned home. |
| Why are all dumb blonde jokes one-liners? | So men can remember them. |
| What is that insensitive bit at the base of the penis called?. | The man |
| What's easier to make: a snowman or a snowwoman? | A snowwoman is easier to make, 'cause with a snowman you have to hollow out the head and use all that extra snow to make its testicles. |
| What is the thinnest book in the world? | What men know about women |
| How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb? | One...men will screw anything |
| Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up? | Because they don't have balls to scratch |
| Why don't men eat more M & M's? | They are too hard to peel. |
| What do you call a man with an I.Q. of 50? | Gifted |
| What's a man's idea of foreplay? | A half hour of begging. |
| How can you tell if a man is sexually excited? | He's breathing |
| What do men and beer bottles have in common? | They are both empty from the neck up |
| How can you tell if a man is happy? | Who cares! |
| How are men and parking spots alike? | The good ones are always taken and the ones that are left are handicapped. |
| What did God say after he created man? | I can do better than this. |
| What's the best way to force a man to do sit-ups? | Put the remote between his toes. |
