Bert Christensen's Weird & Different Recipes

 

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Email From Visitors 
Thames Water
Just mix Coca Cola and Orange Juice 50% 50% in a glass

It's what we in London call a 'Thames Water' as it is the same colour as
our River Thames after a storm.

regards
Mike Barlow
My mother, who spent her childhood in China, tells me that in Beijing she recalls the Candy Man (who has a wheel-barrow type thing that holds his wares) who comes 'round the alleys daily to sell candy and sweets.  One of the sweets is called "Diarrhea Monkey", which is a hard candy shell made to look like a monkey sitting on a stick, and the shell is filled with a syrup.  Right as the man hands you your candy monkey he pokes a hole in the monkey's butt region and the syrup begins to flow, and you have to eat your candy monkey before all the "diarrhea" flows away.  Another specialty of the Candy Man was "Dog Poop", which is essentially a nut-and-honey roll powdered with confectioner's sugar.  Of course, these are marketed towards 4-8 year olds for whom excreta are incredibly funny.

--- Connie Chai


From Jennifer Goehring <jgoehring@charlie.usd.edu>


The recipe page is fabulous! Thank you for keeping me amused. I'll
have to try some of these some day!

Jennifer Goehring
From: bretta@webtv.net (nancy christensen)

i loved your recipes so much i sent it to all my friends on the net! so hopefully you will have a large crowd visit your cute page!

BTW, my name is christensen, too! nancy to be exact! my father came from
denmark! i wonder if we are related? probably not, christensen is like smith!

i found your page through the cat pages! so, you'll also get alot of
nuts from there visiting you!

will maybe make the kitty litter cat! looks cool!

nancy christensen and her cat piglet!
From: hatespam@myisp.com (deKooning)

someone called Bert Christensen  wrote:

> My "Weird and Different Recipes" page at
>http://bertc.com now has colour pictures of "Kitty
>Litter Cake" and "Swamp Punch with the Floating Arm of Death."

thanks, i liked that stuff.... but somewhere else i saw pea soup
served in a refurbished toilet and some sort of thing with a baby doll
suspended in red jello. do either of these sound familiar?

just in case you wondered: i use my sterling regularly and arrange
flowers like martha stewart :) but i know some 14 year olds who'd LOVE
your stuff.
From: KagyK@aol.com

Dear Bert,

I feel the need to write and tell you how much I enjoyed your webpage, especially the cat photos and the strange recipes! Also, I have to tell you about one of our family jokes about food.

We (my husband, myself and 3 boys) are all comic-strip readers, and many years ago we enjoyed a Calvin and Hobbes strip in which Calvin was vociferously rejecting a new dish his mother had made and demanding to know what it was. His father teasingly told him it was Stuffed Monkey Heads, Calvin said "Wow", and devoured it. When his mother whispered to the dad that it was really stuffed Bell peppers, Dad said "I know, but he's eating it!" Thereafter, in our home, stuffed Bell peppers are known as Monkey Heads and no one complains about the menu! (Other dishes I make are often called "Kathy's Surprise", especially if they include eggplant or other odd ingredients!)

Hope you like my story, and I'll be trying some of your recipes. Maybe I'll call them "Bert's Surprise"!

Kathy Klobas
Vacaville, CA
From: Kcn711@aol.com

great site Loved it

Thanks for a good time

Kevin
From: Daniel Fischer <fischer@sentex.net>

Hello Bert. I received a message of yours through the UU Listserver and
it had your WWW URL attached so I clicked on it. Looks like you have a lot
of fun cooking. I will return to your site when I have guests planned for
dinner.....
Just wanted to drop you a line to say I enjoyed your site!

Regards

Dan Fischer
Elora, Ontario
From: kippy <kippy@interaccess.com>

Saw your page. Great job! Thanks for the Halloween recipes. Having
a HW party and will use some of them. :)
From: Doris Dunn <djdunn@mail.bc.rogers.wave.ca>

Dear Bert

Thanks for all the work in your truly great home page. This is my second visit to it for more of your weird and wonderful recipes. I'm off to buy a rubber glove.

Doris (fellow Unitarian from Vancouver)
From: David Baker <critter1@gate.net>

Hi Bert,

This is Dave Baker, from Florida! I was back checking out your pages, and I see that you have added some really "gross" recipes!! :-) Keep up the good work! It is really great to see someone "changing and up-dating" their pages. You are doing a fantastic job!

Dave
From: Kathy Spencer <spencer@mail.netnitco.net>

Hey Bert, this is the funniest site I have ever visited. Way to go!!!

Thanks for the good time.....

((((((((((((((((Bert)))))))))))))
Kathy
From: "marbet" <marbet@rockies.net>

Hi
As a former Yellowknifer I was thrilled to see excerpts on your page from
the very first cookbook I bought. I moved to Yellowknife when I was 21 and
was pretty challenged when it came to cooking. I still use some recipes
from that book (although I have since learned that the ones I use are not
unique to that cookbook ie pancakes, blueberry buckle, french onion soup
and pastry) I always found the 'weird recipes' both entertaining and
intriguing. I always wished one of my native friends would give me a beaver
tail so I could try the recipe!
Anyway, thanks for the nostalgia.

Learned of "drisheen" due to my son's involvement in a school spelling contest. Looked it up on the internet. Drisheen isn't even in the dictionary !!!!

i have to tell you, the recipe looked entirely unappetizing, but many things are not what they seem at first, es la verdad, no ?

Chris from Richmond, VA USA: X22fretts <X22fretts@aol.com>
*I"m still laughing out loud!*
Just got through reading your weird recipes--will definitely be adding a link to my "epicurean" page and making the kitty litter cake for work and the next big family function.... Just had to let ya know!
PS--you need a guestbook for people to sign!

*hugs* thanks for putting a smile on my face!


Jo Claire
joclaire@hern.org
http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Delphi/6853
Hi,
Quite by chance I came across your compendium of culinary delights. Well done, Sir! As it happens I have a small page of oddball recipes, some of which you do not have. They include the recipe for whole stuffed camel, Larry Goldberg's Dieter's Passover Pizza, and the Thompson Turkey. You may wish to pick some of these up. The URL is http://www.tiac.net/users/cri/recipes.html.
I have also added links to your site.

Cheers,
Richard Harter

--
Richard Harter, cri@tiac.net, The Concord Research Institute
URL = http://www.tiac.net/users/cri, phone = 1-978-369-3911
If we have not achieved the classless society
at least we have achieved a society without class.
From:
Patrick Clark <patrickc@censoft.com>

You just may have the single most useful recipe archive on the web. I
came looking for Deep Shit Cookies, and found so much more. But where
is the recipe for Tuna Twinkie Souffle? I saw it on Usenet some years
ago, and haven't yet forgotten the upset stomach I got just reading
it. Good thing I've blocked it out of my memory.
From:
DEANERBI@webtv.net

I really was amused by your site, keep it up! Do you have any beef jerky
recipes?
May I just say that yours is one of my all-time favorite pages?
Weird recipes are a favorite topic of mine. Have you ever seen
the book _Unmentionable Cuisine_ by (think it's Calvin) Schwab?
A classic!

Chris Kovin <Chris.Kovin@pai-tools.com>
From Sheri

HI, I TRULY ENJOYED READING ALL OF YOUR STRANGE AND WEIRD RECIPES!!! I WAS ORIGINALLY HUNTING FOR A RECIPE I COULD USE TO COOK A BEAR ROAST, BUT HAD SOOO MUCH FUN READING YOUR RECIPES, I GOT COMPLETELY SIDE TRACKED!! 
THANKS! 
We love your recipes. They're a hoot.

Jeanne and Alex
I'm looking for some mice which I can cook and eat for my Latin class (the Romans liked to eat dormice). Do you know of a supplier of clean mice meat? I would get mice from a vivarium or pet store, but they say they are not for eating.
TIA

-Aaron
From Linda
I have just visited your site for the first time. I was laughing so hard when I came across the "Kitty Litter Cake" O my, that's so funny..I'm going to have to make this for the people at work. I am not a cook and I'm known to not bring much in on pot luck days at work..but they would love this!
I have 4 indoor cats at home!..LOL
thanks a bunch for the laughs
Have a great day!!
;o)
HI, HOW ARE YOU?
ENJOYED YOUR WEBSITE.

I WAS WONDERING, MAYBE YOU CAN HELP.

I'M LOOKING FOR A RECIPE ON HOW TO STUFF AND COOK AN ARMIDILLO FOR THANKSGIVING. I'M NOT REALLY PLANNING ON COOKING THAT CRITTER, I JUST NEED TO HUMOR SOMEONE.

ANY HELP WOULD BE APPRECIATED.

THANKS, 
CAROL
The cake was a hoot. My nieces thought it looked so real, however, it didn't stop the 5 year old from picking out the tootsie rolls and diving right in! The best part was when my sister's friends showed up, and to spoof them we left the cake on the floor. You should have seen the look on their faces. One guest pointed and said "what the hell is that?" I replied "oh, my sister got a new cat. I proceeded to lean over and grab a sample from the litter box, then couldn't help but laugh. He was grossed out and thought it was real and that my sister's housekeeping had really gone downhill  That litter box was filled to the gills with tootsie roll poops. Her guests couldn't believe I had made a cake like that. My sister was so delighted she wouldn't let any of us eat it because she was going to save it for the party the next day which was just for little kids. She knew some of the moms would be disgusted, but she didn't care. It was a hit to say the least!!! It was one gross, ugly cake.

Next, I'll take your advice and make the floating arm in swamp water!
Maybe for Halloween.

-Ramona
Bert,
Have just scanned through...................sickening................and
WONDERFUL!
Pat
I beg you, where can I get clam jerky?

This site is fabulous - and I can see I will probably be a winner again this year at our group's annual Rude Food Party - where last year I was proud winner of the coveted "Too Rude to Eat" category.

~ Amy
from Jeff
frying beaver tail thats is just not right i think u can go staright to
hell and stay there
Are these recipes really edible? Or it's just made up?

The only real weird thing I had ever ate was bees larvae, yellow jacket not yet formed. You would fry them and add some soy sauce and sugar and enjoy. But that's when we were kids.

Calvin
This recipe (Kitty Litter Cake) is a hoot! I made it and entered it in the Skamania County Fair, Stevenson, Washington and it took a blue ribbon!
Wish I'd been there to see the look on the judge's face who had to taste it!

Ingrid
www.mapickle.com
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